Seek the Lord

Seek the Lord....a phrase that seems to be ringing over and over in my mind. Several times I have posted Deuteronomy 4:29 on my Facebook profile because those words just "follow" me around. "But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul" (NKJV).

In this passage (Deuteronomy 4:15-40) Moses was talking to the Israelites about the dangers of idolatry and the consequences of such practice. The "there" is referring to places that the Israelites would be scattered other than the Promised Land. Here are my thoughts concerning this passage, and how I feel God is speaking to me.

"There" can be a lot of places and there are many reasons and circumstances that would cause us to be "there" instead of the "promised land" that God has for us. Take a moment and think about a time when you made a bad choice or someone around you made a bad choice. How did you handle the consequence when you were faced with being "there"? Maybe you are "there" now...insecurity, pride, loneliness...just a few "theres" that can take our focus off God and keep us from receiving all He has for us.

What does seek mean? The dictionary says it means "to resort to: go to" or "to go in search of" (Merriam-Webster). When we find ourselves in our "there" do we go searching for God? Do we diligently look for Him or what He is trying to say to us? Are we looking for God even when His promises are being realized or do we say "thank You" and then forget about Him for awhile until something scatters us from His promises?

While I know that God is telling me to seek Him because of the "there" places that I have been, I also know that He is telling me to seek Him to keep from going to other "theres". For at least a month, maybe two, I have wanted to write about this. I have been thinking and trying to write it out in my head....searching for the right words to say. I want God to be a very integral part of my everyday life. I don't want to set Him aside after my quiet time or Bible study. I believe God is telling me to look for Him in every part of my life. To develop my RELATIONSHIP with Him, not my religion.

Of course, there are a hundred reasons why I don't seek Him as much as I should. More often than not because I don't want to hear, much less do, what He is telling me to do. Obedience is not my strength. But I have found (and keep finding) that if I can just squash my pride and take those steps to where He is leading me, I will not be disappointed.

Friends, seek the Lord, being in His presence will not return void and will not take you "there".

The Right Word at the Right Time

 The other day when I was spending time with the Lord, I ran across the scripture below. It is significant to me because I am really struggling with this whole being single thing. I want to be married, I want to have a partner and I know that God has the right person for me, but it is SO hard to wait, especially when you feel like you have been waiting for what seems like an eternity (not that I have been single long, just including the time that I spent in my marriage hoping that it could be saved) and there is no one there for you to even try to get to know. But I know that God knows my every thought and desire. He knows all that He has in store for me and for you. The passage below may or may not be meaningful to you, but it was what I needed that day.....

Isaiah 54: 4-8

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - a wife who married young, only to be rejected, says your God. 'For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compasion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,' says the Lord your Redeemer."

Fear

The other day while I was driving down the Spur (the stretch of road between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg) I thought about how before I moved here (and even for a little while after) I got extremely nervous driving on that road. But now that I drive it every day, it doesn't make me nervous or scarred anymore.

God's word says that He has not given us a spirit of fear but one of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). How many times do we let the fear overtake us rather than using the power, love and wisdom that God gives us.

What if I had given over to my fear of driving on curvy roads? This fear could have kept me from moving to TN which would have caused me to miss out on so many blessings and good things that God had planned for me.

How does fear impact your life? Do you let it keep you from doing things that you want to do or that you feel God calling you to do? Or, do you press on despite the emotion?

At this moment, I am intimidated by being a single mom. Tons of questions go through my mind that I don't have the answers for, but I will choose not to let this fear control me or keep me from moving forward. I will do what 2 Timothy 34:4 says and seek the Lord because He will hear me and deliver me from ALL fear.

Scripture
Psalm 27:1
1 John 4:18
Proverbs 29:25

Whitewashed Walls

The Apostle Paul called a high priest a "whitewashed wall" because of his contradictory statements and condemning attitude. Jesus also called a group of people "whitewashed" meaning that their outward appearance seemd true and right but inwardly, they had much to be desired. 

Has the church today become "whitewashed"? Do our outward attitudes and ways reflect the love of God and the people that He calls us to be?

Too many times we get in our own circles and lives, and fail to be what Jesus has called us to be. Do we reach out to others? Do we really care about them and the struggles or issues that they may be dealing with, or are we quick to eliminate anyone who doesn't talk, act or think like we do. How many people cross our paths that we ignore because they don't fit the description we have about who we should hang out with, or because they don't have perfect lives? Are we sending the message that they should "fix" themselves and then (maybe) they could become our friend?

People are hurting. This world now more than ever needs for us, CHRISTIANS, to reach out to them, to offer them hope. Too many times I have heard about people being turned away because the council that they sought in church said, "I don't want to get involved". If it is not the Pastors', Elders', church members place to get involved when the lost, hurting, sometimes desperate are seeking help, then whose is it?

What about our friends and family? Can they open up to us and talk about probems and struggles without fear of rejection or do they have to keep a certain facade to remain in our groups?

Jesus came into this world to save us, not condemn us. Let us not condemn others by not reaching out to them.

Father, I thank you for opportunities to reach out to others. I pray that we would indeed, not live in this world to condemn, but that we would offer the light and hope that is found in Your Son, Jesus. Let us check ourselves that we will not become like whitewashed walls. That our outward "appearance" will reflect Your inward love. In Jesus' merciful name, Amen.

Scripture References:
John 3:17
Matthew 23: 27-28
Acts 23:3
Romans 8:1

Court Tomorrow

Well, our new court date has arrived. I called Friday to make sure that it wasn't recheduled again but had to leave a message. I did not hear back from them, so, I will show up at 8:30 in the morning and hope it goes smoothly. I have been thinking a lot about what it might be like after our hearing...probably not much different than it has been except I will be single...I haven't worn a wedding band in over a year so I don't have to get used to that not being there. Although, sometimes there feels like an empty space on that hand. It is a little surreal, but I know that I have to make this change....maybe for some wrong reasons but mostly because I know that I absolutely did everything that I was supposed to for my marriage. Please say a prayer for both of us. I will let you know how it goes.

Children

Psalm 127:3 "Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward".

Tonight as I was trying to get in a walk on my treadmill the boys seemed to go wild. Joseph was sitting at his desk working on a project and Zach was sitting at the table supposed to be writing a couple of his sight words. But all they could do was aggravate each other...I kept pulling my headphones off and stopping the treadmill to tell them to cut it out! Finally after 20 minutes I gave up walking and turned everything off. There are more events to the night but I am going to stop there (mostly because it got a little ugly before it got better..lol) because the verse above came to mind. I immediately thought about writing a post on this verse.

Our children are a gift, a heritage, that we must cherish and take care of. Even  when they are driving us crazy and we are yelling just as loud as they are. There are times when I am completely overwhelmed by work, school and being a mom. But, just as the Lord reminded me tonight, these boys are gifts to me.

As we were settling down I felt like I should talk to them about how this night had gone. I pulled out a children's devotional book and you would never believe what I opened it up to....a devotion titled, "Is it OK to slam the door when I'm mad". It was about controlling our emotions and how we should act when we get angry about something. Very appropriate, and not by accident (although I did not deliberately open it to this passage). God knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it.

Just as one more confirmation for the night....when I sat down to write this I wanted to look Psalm 127:3 up in two different translations of the Bible to see if they used different wording. When I opened my NIV Bible, it was on a page with a side note entitled, "Our Children". It talks about how David prayed for children in this passage of scripture: "Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace" Psalm 144:12.

God was giving me lessons tonight, just like I was trying to give my boys. I am so very thankful for Joseph and Zach, and also for a Father who speaks to my heart and knows just what I need. After all, I am His heritage.

Vacation 2010

Last week went on vacation to Florida. We spent a couple of days in Daytona and a couple of days in Orlando. We had a really good time hanging out on the beach, at Seaworld, and visiting my friend, Danita, who I haven't seen in about 11 years! We spent a little time in SC, too, where we got to visit with family and friends. The boys also got to fly for the first time during this trip. Zach looked like a pro pulling his suit case (Toy Story desgin of course) through the airport. Joy, I didn't know these pictures of Nate and Henry were on my phone :o) I think they must have taken them when they were playing with the face change app...LOL

Galatians 6:9 - Do Not Grow Weary..in Baseball

This is going to seem like an odd post, and I actually wanted to write it a few weeks ago, but life happens and I am easliy distracted!!

Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up".

I guess you are wondering what this has to do with baseball? Well, both of my boys teams faced obstacles that seemed like were never going to end. Joseph's team was the last to get picked, they got a late start practicing, and their coach was inexperienced. Zach's team (you wouldn't believe the politics of T-ball) started out strong, but we soon found out that certain coaches can change the rules to accomodate their teams depending on who they are playing, and make assumed that they would win because of their status.

It was very frustrating to start with because both teams knew that we were doing what was right. Not that we always had the right attitudes or played the best. But, at the end of the day the boys worked hard, played hard and followed the rules.

Both teams ended up in second place (in their age group) in the league for the season. This is a miracle of sorts because the odds were stacked (like some of the teams) against us. But it was a real lesson for the boys...when you do what's right, you will come out on top.

Cheating, having a bad attitude, or being full of pride can sometimes cloud our vision and make it seem like nothing can stop us. But it will never get us in the "first place" that we want to go. Proof of this Bible verse happened this baseball season. I was very thankful that God gave us that lesson. 

And, the teams that cheated or that had coaches with bad attitudes, came in last.

T-Ball Tournament

Zach's team, the Lugnuts (lol) played their first tournament game last night. It is a single elimination tournament and this game was quite an ordeal. Our games normally last for an hour and fifteen minutes (usually 4 innings) but since it was a tournament game and someone had to win last night, we played 8 innings which took us two hours! Each inning, both teams would score but just enough to keep us at a tie. Finally, we got ahead by one and won the game! It was very stressful :o). Now we have to play again on Monday night. I may need anxiety medication before this season is over, and might not have any finger nails left!!

Hurry Up and Wait....

Well, we went to the court house Friday only to find out that court had been cancelled for that day. So, no divorce for me. I called an left a message today to reschedule. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, just not sure what the reason for the delay could be. I am praying for God to show me. I appreciate the support and prayers from my friends through this process...please keep praying for us.

Parenting Class

Last night Dan and me had to attend a 4 hour parenting class. This is a requirement in the state of Tennessee and is desgined to give you the dos and don'ts of helping your kids cope with divorce. The class did offer a lot of good information and reitterated several things that I have been saying to Dan such as, "take the boys to their ball games and/or practice and stop complaining about it being during your visitation". And also that structure is good for kids and they need that in their lives. I don't think that it helped him at all, though, except to give him false ideas about what he can dictate for our boys and me. He even asked if the courts ever make the spouse that makes more money pay spousal support to the other one. Since I make more money than he claims to make (he gets paid cash most of the time), I assume that he would want me to pay him spousal support. Seriously, I don't even know what to say to some of the things that he comes up with. Tomorrow the hardest part (I hope) will be over with. We'll see how things go from here.

Proverbs 1:33

Proverbs 1:33 says that if we are obedient that we will dwell safely, be secure and without fear of evil. So why is it that we (I) are so apt to be disobedient? I suppose it can be dealt to our sin nature, the whole rebel thing that has been going on since Adam and Eve, and just plain old selfishness. Or, maybe some of it is the fear of being out of control. Giving ourselves over to a force that we cannot see and sometimes question the existence of. But no matter what my justification at the time, I know that disobedience will end up causing more harm than the discomfort obedience may cause in the moment. Just like with my kids.....Joseph doesn't really like to read but I make him read a little each day....not because I want to make him do things he doesn't want to do, but because it is good for him to put something into his brain besides TV and video games. God doesn't tell us to do things so He can exert His power over us, but because He knows the end result, the good plans that He has for us, and the way to get us there. I would like to say that I will be immediately obedient from here on out, but I know that will not happen. But, I do know that I will take one day at a time and pray for God to help me be willing to be immediately obedient, knowing that in the end, His way is right. At the end of the day there is not better place to be than in the arms of Jesus, safe, secure and without fear of evil.

Joseph and Nadja now.....

Not sure what they were doing here...or where they got the pacifiers!!

My mom made these costumes...they were SO cute.

Best Buds!

Pics for previous post.....

Friends From SC

Last weekend some of our friends from SC came to visit. I love it that we have stayed in touch with this family. Joseph and Nadja have the same birthday and have know each other almost since they were born. (I have blogged about them before). They are SO very special to us and we had a lot of fun with them. Can't wait for them to come visit again :o) Here are some pictures of when Joseph and Nadja were little and pictures of them today...BTW, my mom made the costumes they are wearing as Bo Peep and Woody!

Good Gifts

Matthew 7:11 says, "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"

A few weeks ago we were driving down the road and Zach was talking to Joseph about having one of those wooden play/swing sets in the backyard. He was talking with such feeling about wanting one of those, and wishing that we could get one. When I heard the sencerity in his voice I wanted to run right out and get one. Of course, several things stopped me from doing so, but as a mother who longs to give her children the desires of their hearts, I hurt because I could not do that for him.

Not a moment later, the above scripture came into my mind. As much as I desired to give that to Zach, how much more does God desire to give me the things that I want. Does His heart ache the way that mine did when He, because of my disobedience or bad choices, cannot give me the things that I desire? I think, definitely, yes.

The last few months have been a very diffcult journey for me, but I know that through it all, God has never stopped wanting to give me the good gifts He has for me. He has already given so much. For that I am very thankful.

Beta Club Induction

I am SO proud of Joseph for being invited to join Beta Club. He is a very smart boy even though it is hard to get him to show it sometimes (lol). And, I was really impressed with the ceremony at his school. They opened the meeting with the Pledge of Allegiance and prayer. Both led by students. A girl (the in coming Beta Club President) got up and sang "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns. For some people, I know, that this is politically incorrect, BUT it is things such as this that make me proud of Sevier County. As a matter of fact, most events (Chamber of Commerce meetings, Lodging Association Meetings and my Leadership Meetings) incorporate prayer at some point. It's too bad that a lot of other places and organiations have gotten away from this habit. Oh, and have I mentioned that Sevier County schools allow a group of Christians, Club Truth, to come in and talk to our students every other Thursday during the school year. Not only is academic acheivement promoted, spiritual acheivement is encouraged as well. I am looking forward to this new adventure for Joseph and hopefully the man that it will help develop in him!

If I Throw Up Maybe I'll Feel Better

I know, not a very inticing name for a post, but this is exactly how I feel at this moment in my life. I have been fighting with Dan for so long I thought that I was prepared to take these final steps and end this crazy dysfunction, but it has been more emotional, stressful, and difficult than I thought. 90 days seems like a short time...June 18th will be here before I know it. I know that I am making the right "next step". I have no doubt that I am moving forward in the right direction....but that doesn't make it easy. I spent 17 years with Dan. While most of those years were spent in conflict, we did have good times. We do have two wonderful boys and there are memories that I will always cherish. He does have good qualities...no one is completely bad. I will continue to pray for him and hope that one day he will allow God to bring some healing and restoration into his life. I pray for God to continue to help me to change the things I need to change, too.

Dallas

I was SO tired yesterday when I got in from Dallas but had a couple of things to do at home. I got into the airport around 11:30 am and headed to our church to say good bye to Joseph before he left for his youth trip this weekend. After that I had to wash my car because it was REALLY dirty. Apparently some bird had perched its self on a tree branch above where I was parked the whole time I was gone. After that I ran home to try and make myself presentable before taking Zach to register for kindergarten. I laid down at 4 pm to watch Little House on the Prairie (LOL) and fell asleep. I woke up at 6:30. I went back to bed at 9pm and got up at 7am this morning I was REALLY tired. This is what caused the need for all of that sleep.....

Tuesday: up at 2 am because my flight from Knoxville was at 5:30 am. Got to the airport at about 4:15. Flew to Charlotte where I had a 2 hour layover. Flew from there to ORlando (don't ask, my boss booked my ticket ~ I asked him if he was paying me back for something that I had done wrong)....finally arrived in Dallas around 12:30/12:45...gained an hour because of time change. Met Logan at the airport, went to hotel, walked around trade show, met up with friends for dinner, back at hotel around 9:30, in bed by 10!

Wednesday: at breakfast 7:15, general session 8-12 (had a hard time staying awake...really wanted to win the iPod touch but someone else's number was called...bummer!)...lunch and then breakout sessions, some useful information, glad for firedrill in the middle of one...if was becoming boring. Dinner that night at Eddie Deen's!! Free food, free drinks, live band and armadillo racing....what more does a girl need??? Again, in bed by 10....my friends think I am goodie two shoes....told them no, just can't hang with the big dogs!!

Thursday: same as Wedensday but did get a tiny little workout in (and I do mean tiny) then headed to Hampton's "dance club"! Again, free food and free drinks but no line dancing or armadillos....had a DJ that played some good music but most was not my style...good fun, though....glad I got to see all my friends from GM class in Memphis and pretty much everyone I have ever worked for in the hotel business!

Friday: up at 5am at airport by 6:30...on my way home at 8!

Had a really good time....now have to get back to reality :o)

Creative Writing

I am taking a creative writing class this semester. It has been fun and challenging. Just thought that I would share a couple of poems that I have written for the class. The first one we had to pick a topic and write about it (I chose faith) and the second we had to describe something with a symbol (I chose a whirlwind to respresent Zach..lol).

1-
A staple of existence I am told,
For without it you can’t live so bold.
If it’s missing life seems bleak,
But to truly have it you must be meek.
An invisible force that fills your heart,
It draws you back out of the dark.
It dreams your dreams and calms your fears,
And sometimes even dries your tears.
Unseen but there…
A feeling that you must share.
Its presence takes over in times of trouble,
Sometimes loudly, sometimes subtle.
But not just sadness, sorrow, and strife,
It brings great joy and new life.
What is this thing your heart holds dear?
The answer must be clear…
Faith

2-
Slow and gentle winds wake from sleep
And suddenly begin to creep
Twisting and turning to find a path
No one can escape his wrath
A force that cannot be reckoned
No matter who may beckon
He clamors on, nothing keeps him at bay
There is no time to get out of his way
But underneath the turmoil calmness lays
Slowly taking the fierceness away
Without warning winds dissipate
And in the rubble that’s left a small child waits

Feel free to critique....I really like to write but don't feel "creative".

Traveling Take Two

Ok, I may have to rethink my previous thoughts about liking to travel. THis is how my journey has gone so far....

- Flight delayed from GSP to Charlotte on Sunday, flight delayed from Charlotte to Memphis after that...BUT, there is good news....while I was waiting to see if they were going to cancel my flight to Memphis I met a girl who was heading to the same class as me, on the same flight AND our seats were right beside each other....imagine that :0)

- Called US Air Tuesday to change my flight to Thursday and they wanted to charge me $500 and told me to call back Thurs.

- Called back Thursday morning to be told that flights were not being changed because of weather yet...

- Called back Thursday right after lunch to be told that all flights were full because of changes because of the weather....I was not a very happy camper but throwing a fit would hardly have helped

- Friday morning 9:20 flight cancelled, rebooked on 2:18, 2:18 flight cancelled, stuck in Memphis and about a true melt down when hotel told me they were going to charge me $130 per night even though I work at a Hampton Inn...thankfully, the Sales girl I met earlier in the week called me back and said that I was only going to be charged the employee rate which is $29...me and my bank account give a big sigh of relief although I am still fighting tears from being SO homesick

- Saturday finally get out of Memphis only to get to Charlotte and find that my flight to Greenville is cancelled and I can fly standy on 4:40 flight or the one after that if I don't make it on the 4:40 but can be confirmed on 10:30 pm flight...get sent to different gate to board

- Went to chapel service held by airport Chaplin at 2pm...thought it wouldn't hurt for me to do a little praying, especially to keep my attitude in check....

- It is now 5:12, battery on my computer is about to die because some came and abruptley plugged their computer in to the outlet that I was about to use....4:40 flight was delayed until 6:06 and I am #8 on the standby list...I may not get out of Charlotte...Dan has offered to come and get me...we'll see what happens....

Maybe flying is not for me after all, flying in this bad weather has definitely stressed me out and put all sorts of thoughts about crashing in my head, which in turn has resulted in al sorts of prayers to God as to why it would not be a good idea for me to go to Heaven right now.

But, I really do like to fly......

Traveling

I am very glad that I decided not to drive to Memphis. Today has turned out to be a dreary, rainy day and while I'm not sure that I would rather spend it in the air, I am definitely glad that I am not gasing up the car and heading down the interstate in it.

I really do like traveling and had I made more of the opportunities that I was given earlier in life I might have done more of it. But, I did not, so I take the opprtunities now when I can. I love big cities and airports. I'm not sure if I would have the same feeling if I was roaming about in them all the time, but for now they hold an appealing element that I really don't know how to describe.

But I miss my babies already. It will be a long week without them. I know I will be able to get some things done in peace (like lots of homework), but I will constantly wonder what they are doing and if it is things that they should be doing.

Anyway, it is almost boarding time and my laptop battery is almost dead. Maybe I will get more blogged about my trip this week a little later!

2010

I need to make a resolution to blog more, but I probably would not keep it. It is not that I don't have anything to say, just that I don't have time to login and type it up!!

Anyway, I have no new resolutions this year. There are lots of things that I want to accomplish but i am just going to take it one day at a time and see where God leads me.

I do want to share this scripture, though. God put these verses on my heart several months ago, and He keeps showing them to me, it seems, everywhere I go.

Philippians 3:12-16
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers (and sisters), I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on aome point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." (NIV)

Hope everyone has a very blessed 2010!