Today when we were on our way to a ball game Zach starts lecturing me on how his dad and I should learn how to get along and not fight and that God tells us to love each other. I told him (at least a dozen times since our divorce) that his dad and me are not married anymore and he said, "but you still love each other". I finally just agreed that yes, God expects us to love each other and that we should get along. This had gone on for about 5 minutes. What makes this really surprising is that I hardly talk to Dan in front of the boys (actually, I hardly talk to him at all). I guess he just remembers that we used to fight.
I'm not sure what prompted Zach's thoughts today, but today was not the best day (for me) for him to bring that up. Two nights in a row I have dreamed that Dan and me were still married and today has been one of those days where the whole 17 years that we spent together (mostly bad, but some really good times) played all through my head. Of course this leads to other thoughts about whether or not I should have stayed married and a replay of everything that I did wrong (yes, I admit it wasn't all Dan's fault) during our marriage.
I realize that all of this is probably compounded because of my tired, over scheduled and usually hormonally out-of-balanced life. I'm not sure why I wrote this, I guess I just wanted to talk about it. Don't worry friends and family who aren't fans of Dan, I'm not running out to get back together with him.....it's just been a weird few days.
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