One Down, Lots More To Go

Yesterday God taught me a gentle lesson. I really was not in the mood to go to church and wrestled with whether or not to go all morning long. It really was a situation of the angel on one shoulder and devil on the other. After a couple of hours (I woke up at 5:30) I finally had a "heart to heart" with God and told Him that I really did not want to go and through alot of tears told him the reasons why. Even still, I felt compelled to go but did not. Instead, I logged on to our church's web site to watch the service online. It wasn't very long until I realized why He had wanted me to go. Pastor Tom's question was, "what is your heart's song?". As soon as he spoke the words more tears came to my eyes. My heart's song hasn't been one of redemption or restoration, not even peace and happiness, but rather one of rejection and defeat. Songs of feeling not good enough or pretty enough, that no one really likes me, that no matter what I do, I will always be stuck in the cycle of dysfunction and issues from my childhood and even the disappointments of my adult life. But as I sat there and listened to Pastor Tom, I realized that it is my choice what song my heart sings. God doesn't want me to keep singing the same song that brings all the negativity that hinders my realtionship not only with Him, but with my family and friends. I watched him call on several people in the sanctuary and ask them to sing their heart's song and I really began to think about what mine should be. So, my heart's song today, and for however long God speaks to me through it, is Rescue by Newsong. This is the first song on the playlist on my blog. I chose this song because of how strongly it says, "I need you Jesus to come to my rescue". Thankfully He is able to rescue me. All this to say, my lesson was this, that God doesn't prompt us to do things because He wants us to be miserable or uncomfortable or even because something bad might happen if we don't do what He says, but He leads us to a place where He can give us rest and be exactly what we need, to a place where He can reach way down and heal hurts that we didn't even know we had or have refused to acknowledge. He does rescue us even when we don't want to be rescued.