So, I was looking over my blog this morning, and saw that I only posted twice in 2016. WOW- I need to make a resolution to blog more in 2017, but I am afraid that I might not keep it :).
2016 went out (for me) without a bang. As a matter-of-fact, I was in bed and sound asleep long before the ball dropped. I hope that that quite rest is how 2017 will be, or at least there will be more of it in 2017 than there was in 2016. This is what we dealt with last year:
We sold our house in a week, moved into a very small apartment and almost killed each other (ask the neighbors we had at the apartment -LOL), built a new house, played soccer, played basketball, drove my mother-in-law to countless doctor appointments and treatments as she battled lung cancer, sent Joseph off to college, played more basketball and soccer, managed to keep our jobs going, and the kids fed, hung out with friends, made family come and visit us (if you know my mom tell her, "yes she is going to TN every 5 minutes"), and I finished my first year as a PhD student.
When I look at that list, I wonder how we ever made it, then I remember that the Lord is faithful. He gives us just what we need for each day. Not what we needed yesterday, not what we will need tomorrow, but exactly the amount of strength, knowledge, and grace that we will need in the moments we face in the present. Every day is a new day, a chance to start over and follow through on what did not get accomplished yesterday.
So, in 2017, the only resolution that I have is to remember what the Lord brought us through (the good and the bad), and look to Him to sustain us through whatever this new year brings.
2 Corinthians 12: 9, "And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Have a blessed New Year- my thoughts and prayers are with you, and hopefully, I will make more than two posts this year!
Monday, January 02, 2017
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Sending Joseph to College
JoJo, Josephine, Josephino, Josepfanie, Jofess....no matter what we called him (and he is such a good sport about the deformities that we give to his name) Joseph holds a place tightly in our hearts, and moving him to college was no easy feat for this helicopter Momma (this title is a story for another day).
I think in the back of my mind the fact that Knoxville is just 45 minutes away buffered the reality that Joseph was about to move out. Well, that and that we hardly saw him anyway because (and I am sure most of you with teenage sons know what I'm talking about) the last place that a teenage boy wants to be is home. But, at the end of the day he still came home. He still called to tell me where he was and what he was doing. He called to tell me if he was staying at a friend's house or what time he would be home. I knew his schedule, knew the proximity of his location, and most of the time what he was doing. Now, I don't have a clue. This is worrisome for moms, or at least for this mom. (The joke at our house now is that I am not mourning Joseph being gone, but rather the loss of control - all my boys know me too well- haha).
It's not just that I don't know what he's doing or who he's hanging out with anymore, but also the worry about whether or not he will make the same mistakes that I made. I went off to college once, but was too immature to handle the responsibility. I don't need to elaborate on the repercussions of my bad choices during that time, or the regrets that I have that can never be changed....but, they ring in my mind....they cause me to wonder what choices he will make. Then I remember to think on those things which are true, which are lovely, which are of good report (Philippians 4:8)....the good choices that Joseph has already made (that are the complete opposite of choices I made at his age).
He has held a job (at times he had 3 jobs) since he was 14, and made a good reputation for himself as a hard worker, and a respectful young man. Since he worked in jobs related to hospitality I know who he worked for and others that he came in contact with. Not one person ever said anything negative to me about him, but rather gushed over what a great young man he is and how much they loved working with him.
His friend's parents have sent me messages telling me what a great young man he became and how they are both impressed with and proud of him. I haven't met one person who doesn't like him or have something nice to say about him. He has never been one to conform to what everyone else was doing, and he has moved away from close, long-term friendships when those friends started making poor choices. He is confident, smart (he took 8 college classes his senior year of high school), and far more mature than I was at his age.
He has been at UT for two weeks now (and I have finally stopped crying :)), started classes, and pledged a fraternity. I am worried, afraid, excited, and hopeful for him. I pray for him daily and miss him like crazy, but I firmly believe God has ordained this time for him. God will continue to direct his path...I trust that the Lord will continue the good work He began in Joseph, and He will see it to completion (Philippians 1:6).
And, like any good mom (and wife of a Vol4Life) I will wear the appropriate color of orange, yell, "Go Vols," and attend every event that Joseph will let me attend at Rocky Top.
I think in the back of my mind the fact that Knoxville is just 45 minutes away buffered the reality that Joseph was about to move out. Well, that and that we hardly saw him anyway because (and I am sure most of you with teenage sons know what I'm talking about) the last place that a teenage boy wants to be is home. But, at the end of the day he still came home. He still called to tell me where he was and what he was doing. He called to tell me if he was staying at a friend's house or what time he would be home. I knew his schedule, knew the proximity of his location, and most of the time what he was doing. Now, I don't have a clue. This is worrisome for moms, or at least for this mom. (The joke at our house now is that I am not mourning Joseph being gone, but rather the loss of control - all my boys know me too well- haha).
It's not just that I don't know what he's doing or who he's hanging out with anymore, but also the worry about whether or not he will make the same mistakes that I made. I went off to college once, but was too immature to handle the responsibility. I don't need to elaborate on the repercussions of my bad choices during that time, or the regrets that I have that can never be changed....but, they ring in my mind....they cause me to wonder what choices he will make. Then I remember to think on those things which are true, which are lovely, which are of good report (Philippians 4:8)....the good choices that Joseph has already made (that are the complete opposite of choices I made at his age).
He has held a job (at times he had 3 jobs) since he was 14, and made a good reputation for himself as a hard worker, and a respectful young man. Since he worked in jobs related to hospitality I know who he worked for and others that he came in contact with. Not one person ever said anything negative to me about him, but rather gushed over what a great young man he is and how much they loved working with him.
His friend's parents have sent me messages telling me what a great young man he became and how they are both impressed with and proud of him. I haven't met one person who doesn't like him or have something nice to say about him. He has never been one to conform to what everyone else was doing, and he has moved away from close, long-term friendships when those friends started making poor choices. He is confident, smart (he took 8 college classes his senior year of high school), and far more mature than I was at his age.
He has been at UT for two weeks now (and I have finally stopped crying :)), started classes, and pledged a fraternity. I am worried, afraid, excited, and hopeful for him. I pray for him daily and miss him like crazy, but I firmly believe God has ordained this time for him. God will continue to direct his path...I trust that the Lord will continue the good work He began in Joseph, and He will see it to completion (Philippians 1:6).
And, like any good mom (and wife of a Vol4Life) I will wear the appropriate color of orange, yell, "Go Vols," and attend every event that Joseph will let me attend at Rocky Top.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Dichotomy
Dichotomy - isn't that a fun word to say? It means a division that presents two opposing views. Up until a few years ago, I had never heard the word, much less knew what it meant (thus the outcome of being a perpetual student, I learn something new everyday).
Right now now I have a dichotomy of sorts when it comes to my career. Do I stay in hospitality and accept opportunities that are being placed before me, or do I make an exit strategy that involves me changing careers mid-life? Sort of (well, not really sort of but exactly) starting over. Trading the experience and tenure of the last 22 years for the uncertainty of being the "new kid on the block" who has a lot to learn.
The Clash song "Should I stay or should I go?" comes to mind (my husband might be proud that I knew the group, but don't be too impressed, I Googled it). Where would I go to, you might be asking, and the answer is the world of academia. While there are no opportunities any where close to tapping on my door (much less knocking), I am hoping that (if I can persevere) my PhD will provide those. But, the completion of that is still a few years off, so, I am still left to ponder the question of should I accept opportunities of advancement in my current career?
This is all really just food for thought because I know that in time (have I mentioned that I am not a very patient person?) the right choice will be made clear to me. There is always a lesson in the challenges, decisions, dichotomies of life...my lesson is this-
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path" - Proverbs 3:5-6.
Right now now I have a dichotomy of sorts when it comes to my career. Do I stay in hospitality and accept opportunities that are being placed before me, or do I make an exit strategy that involves me changing careers mid-life? Sort of (well, not really sort of but exactly) starting over. Trading the experience and tenure of the last 22 years for the uncertainty of being the "new kid on the block" who has a lot to learn.
The Clash song "Should I stay or should I go?" comes to mind (my husband might be proud that I knew the group, but don't be too impressed, I Googled it). Where would I go to, you might be asking, and the answer is the world of academia. While there are no opportunities any where close to tapping on my door (much less knocking), I am hoping that (if I can persevere) my PhD will provide those. But, the completion of that is still a few years off, so, I am still left to ponder the question of should I accept opportunities of advancement in my current career?
This is all really just food for thought because I know that in time (have I mentioned that I am not a very patient person?) the right choice will be made clear to me. There is always a lesson in the challenges, decisions, dichotomies of life...my lesson is this-
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path" - Proverbs 3:5-6.
Monday, January 25, 2016
A Lot Can Happen in Three Weeks
Three weeks ago our pastor challenged everyone to a 21 day fast. Facebook was one of the things that I gave up during that time. This was a challenge, and I missed Facebook interactions. So, I tried to keep a mental list of events that took place during the last three weeks- I know everyone was chomping at the bit to know what was going on in my life- like you didn't have anything better to do- hahaha :)
The biggest event was the celebration of Zach's 11th birthday. I can't believe the little boy that rocked my world (and continues to make it very interesting) is on his way to adolescence (cringe....I am not ready for teenage years)! Those of you who know Zach know that he is a bundle of energy that never stops, and at times sends me as close as possible to a nervous breakdown as I could get without going over the edge...I can't imagine life without him. He is loud, rambunctious, and often times difficult...but, has a heart so tender and sweet that it will bring you to tears when he shows it. So, Happy Birthday (again) to Zachary James!
Our saddest event during the last three weeks was the loss of our beloved pet, Patches. She was about as agreeable as a rabid bobcat (haha), but we managed to get along for about 13 years (as long as we knew where we stood- she was in charge). Patches came into our family as a 6-week old kitten when Joseph was around 4/5. She had been with us through many moves, and even though she wasn't a touchy-feely kind of cat, we liked having her around. During week two she started acting funny, and by that Saturday she could not stand up on here own. So Scott and me loaded her up and took her to the UT Vet Emergency Room on a Saturday night where we spent close to $500 only to say good-bye to her. I didn't think that I even liked her that much (it was her sole desire to see how early in the morning she could make me get up to let her either out or into the garage), but I could not turn off the tears as we made the choice to let her go. Turned out she had an aggressive form of lymphoma that we couldn't have dine anything about had we had unlimited resources to try to cure her. RIP Patches - I hope animals are in heaven :)
The last biggest event that I will mention is that I started my PhD classes. WOW- can it be that they are as difficult yet not as bad as I thought all at once???? I love the interaction with my classmates (although I feel very intimidated at times- they are SOOO smart), but find it hard to keep up with all of the reading....good thing I love to read, and leadership is a passion of mine. Johnson University has really impressed me with the quality of the program, and how genuine the staff is. While I loved some of the work that I did at Liberty (and was thankful for the opportunity to complete my MA with them), sometimes the atmosphere was stifling, with a small amount of pretension. The atmosphere at Johnson has been completely different, and I am really looking forward to what I am going to learn on this journey.
That's all for now- but stay tuned :)
The biggest event was the celebration of Zach's 11th birthday. I can't believe the little boy that rocked my world (and continues to make it very interesting) is on his way to adolescence (cringe....I am not ready for teenage years)! Those of you who know Zach know that he is a bundle of energy that never stops, and at times sends me as close as possible to a nervous breakdown as I could get without going over the edge...I can't imagine life without him. He is loud, rambunctious, and often times difficult...but, has a heart so tender and sweet that it will bring you to tears when he shows it. So, Happy Birthday (again) to Zachary James!
Our saddest event during the last three weeks was the loss of our beloved pet, Patches. She was about as agreeable as a rabid bobcat (haha), but we managed to get along for about 13 years (as long as we knew where we stood- she was in charge). Patches came into our family as a 6-week old kitten when Joseph was around 4/5. She had been with us through many moves, and even though she wasn't a touchy-feely kind of cat, we liked having her around. During week two she started acting funny, and by that Saturday she could not stand up on here own. So Scott and me loaded her up and took her to the UT Vet Emergency Room on a Saturday night where we spent close to $500 only to say good-bye to her. I didn't think that I even liked her that much (it was her sole desire to see how early in the morning she could make me get up to let her either out or into the garage), but I could not turn off the tears as we made the choice to let her go. Turned out she had an aggressive form of lymphoma that we couldn't have dine anything about had we had unlimited resources to try to cure her. RIP Patches - I hope animals are in heaven :)
The last biggest event that I will mention is that I started my PhD classes. WOW- can it be that they are as difficult yet not as bad as I thought all at once???? I love the interaction with my classmates (although I feel very intimidated at times- they are SOOO smart), but find it hard to keep up with all of the reading....good thing I love to read, and leadership is a passion of mine. Johnson University has really impressed me with the quality of the program, and how genuine the staff is. While I loved some of the work that I did at Liberty (and was thankful for the opportunity to complete my MA with them), sometimes the atmosphere was stifling, with a small amount of pretension. The atmosphere at Johnson has been completely different, and I am really looking forward to what I am going to learn on this journey.
That's all for now- but stay tuned :)
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Why I Love Country Music
Scott strongly dislikes country music. If he had to choose
between a root canal and listening to the twangs of a country song, I think he
would choose the root canal. But, I love it…I don’t mean the new stuff that
sounds more like pop music, either. I want to hear the classics….George Jones,
Tammy Wynette, Loretta Lynn, and anything from the 80s (wasn’t that a great
decade???)- Reba, George Strait, Martina McBride…not to mention the southern
gospel roots in some choruses.
I love it because it is part of who I am. I spent most of my
childhood and early adult years running away from heritage. I wanted to be
anyone but who I was. The older I get now, the more I embrace my history and
how it has shaped the person I have become.
My family (on all sides) is a musical family. I don’t think
there is anyone on my mom’s side that can’t sing, play an instrument, or both.
My (biological) father sings and for a long time my grandparents (his parents)
traveled with a southern gospel group. My step-dad owned a music store and
night club- he could play any instrument put in his hands, but we never asked
him to sing J
When I hear the melodic tones of a country song I remember
those times with my family. Granny Murphy’s on Sundays “picking & singing”….going
with Granny & Papa Rowland to their friends’ houses where they
inevitably would make us sing solos, or
Papa just sitting around playing his guitar. I think about walking into the
House of Music and listening to the latest jam session (made up of whatever
musician happened to stop by that day)…or going by the club (Night Life) and
hearing my momma sing with the band. I could never forget playing “the Contest”
with my uncle Clay when he would babysit us (think Name that Tune).
I do like other styles of music, but it is the sound of
steel guitars and rich harmonies of country music that reminds me most of my
childhood, and stirs up memories too sweet to ignore. If that’s not reason
enough to love it, I don’t know what is.
Tuesday, November 03, 2015
Submissive Obedience
Without submission we cannot be obedient...this is a huge struggle for a control freak like me. I believe in Jesus, I love the Lord and realize that without Him I would be someone that NO ONE would like. But, I am not always as submissive or obedient as I should be when He tells me to do something. Most of the time it is because I am afraid of not knowing the outcome, sometimes it's just because I am lazy or want things my way (did I mention that I am stubborn, too?). No matter what my excuse, though, I know in my heart that the Lord wants what is best for me, He knows where He wants to take me. Right now, He wants to take me on a journey...
A journey to heal the physical and emotional battle I am struggling with right now (you know it's all down hill after 40 - haha), a journey where He can reveal the plan that He has for me in my career, a journey where He can work in the hearts of my children and make them the men He wants them to be. In order to embark on this journey I have to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can prove what is the acceptable will of God (Romans 12:2). I will have to be submissive and obedient. Have I mentioned that this is a weakness for me?
Anytime the Lord wants me to start changing things my fear level goes up...anyone who has been a Christian any amount of time knows that satan will some full force to try and hinder the work God wants to do. Everything that could happen runs through my mind, and I start to dwell in the "what ifs"...have you read the story of Job?
But, the Lord won't let me go. Even though I wine and complain, I know that in this journey the Lord will answer my questions, give me direction, and show me great and mighty things that I do not know Jeremiah 33:3). While I am still afraid, I know the end will be worth it, and I am sure my poor husband is praying that I learn all about being submissive and obedient :)
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
What I Gave up with my BMW
Recently I traded my BMW 328i for a more practical (and less expensive) Ford Escape. People keep asking me how I like my new car, and I respond that I "like it."
It doesn't have heated leather seats, it doesn't have the beautiful interior. I miss that the mirrors automatically adjust when I am backing up. It doesn't have a power seat on the passenger side, and it doesn't have separate heat/air controls for the back seat, or a sunroof. It doesn't drive like a BMW either....power, smoothness, control- BMWs are really fun to drive.
But, it also doesn't have the pride factor. With the BMW there was a certain air around me...like, "look at me, I drive a BMW." Or, a constant nagging wondering what everyone thought, or if my BMW impressed them. I had a constant battle going on inside me about why this car was important to me, and I didn't like the truth when I allowed myself to be honest about it. I don't want to be prideful, but having this car, for me, was a pride issue. It became something that tried to define me rather than a blessing. I have struggled enough with finding who I am outside of Christ. I don't need a car that exalts me. The freedom that I have from these thoughts and feelings is something that I LOVE about my new car.
I am not saying that I will never own another BMW (and my husband still has one). Perhaps the Lord will allow me to later on, but for now I will be happy with my little Escape. It does have more room, a backup camera, and (my favorite) satellite radio where I can listen to 80s/90s Country Music to my hearts content.
Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
It doesn't have heated leather seats, it doesn't have the beautiful interior. I miss that the mirrors automatically adjust when I am backing up. It doesn't have a power seat on the passenger side, and it doesn't have separate heat/air controls for the back seat, or a sunroof. It doesn't drive like a BMW either....power, smoothness, control- BMWs are really fun to drive.
But, it also doesn't have the pride factor. With the BMW there was a certain air around me...like, "look at me, I drive a BMW." Or, a constant nagging wondering what everyone thought, or if my BMW impressed them. I had a constant battle going on inside me about why this car was important to me, and I didn't like the truth when I allowed myself to be honest about it. I don't want to be prideful, but having this car, for me, was a pride issue. It became something that tried to define me rather than a blessing. I have struggled enough with finding who I am outside of Christ. I don't need a car that exalts me. The freedom that I have from these thoughts and feelings is something that I LOVE about my new car.
I am not saying that I will never own another BMW (and my husband still has one). Perhaps the Lord will allow me to later on, but for now I will be happy with my little Escape. It does have more room, a backup camera, and (my favorite) satellite radio where I can listen to 80s/90s Country Music to my hearts content.
Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
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