Why I Love Country Music

Scott strongly dislikes country music. If he had to choose between a root canal and listening to the twangs of a country song, I think he would choose the root canal. But, I love it…I don’t mean the new stuff that sounds more like pop music, either. I want to hear the classics….George Jones, Tammy Wynette, Loretta Lynn, and anything from the 80s (wasn’t that a great decade???)- Reba, George Strait, Martina McBride…not to mention the southern gospel roots in some choruses.

I love it because it is part of who I am. I spent most of my childhood and early adult years running away from heritage. I wanted to be anyone but who I was. The older I get now, the more I embrace my history and how it has shaped the person I have become.

My family (on all sides) is a musical family. I don’t think there is anyone on my mom’s side that can’t sing, play an instrument, or both. My (biological) father sings and for a long time my grandparents (his parents) traveled with a southern gospel group. My step-dad owned a music store and night club- he could play any instrument put in his hands, but we never asked him to sing J

When I hear the melodic tones of a country song I remember those times with my family. Granny Murphy’s on Sundays “picking & singing”….going with Granny & Papa Rowland to their friends’ houses where they inevitably  would make us sing solos, or Papa just sitting around playing his guitar. I think about walking into the House of Music and listening to the latest jam session (made up of whatever musician happened to stop by that day)…or going by the club (Night Life) and hearing my momma sing with the band. I could never forget playing “the Contest” with my uncle Clay when he would babysit us (think Name that Tune).

I do like other styles of music, but it is the sound of steel guitars and rich harmonies of country music that reminds me most of my childhood, and stirs up memories too sweet to ignore. If that’s not reason enough to love it, I don’t know what is.

Submissive Obedience

Without submission we cannot be obedient...this is a huge struggle for a control freak like me. I believe in Jesus, I love the Lord and realize that without Him I would be someone that NO ONE would like. But, I am not always as submissive or obedient as I should be when He tells me to do something. Most of the time it is because I am afraid of not knowing the outcome, sometimes it's just because I am lazy or want things my way (did I mention that I am stubborn, too?). No matter what my excuse, though, I know in my heart that the Lord wants what is best for me, He knows where He wants to take me. Right now, He wants to take me on a journey...

A journey to heal the physical and emotional battle I am struggling with right now (you know it's all down hill after 40 - haha), a journey where He can reveal the plan that He has for me in my career, a journey where He can work in the hearts of my children and make them the men He wants them to be. In order to embark on this journey I have to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can prove what is the acceptable will of God (Romans 12:2). I will have to be submissive and obedient. Have I mentioned that this is a weakness for me? 

Anytime the Lord wants me to start changing things my fear level goes up...anyone who has been a Christian any amount of time knows that satan will some full force to try and hinder the work God wants to do. Everything that could happen runs through my mind, and I start to dwell in the "what ifs"...have you read the story of Job? 

But, the Lord won't let me go. Even though I wine and complain, I know that in this journey the Lord will answer my questions, give me direction, and show me great and mighty things that I do not know Jeremiah 33:3). While I am still afraid, I know the end will be worth it, and I am sure my poor husband is praying that I learn all about being submissive and obedient :) 

What I Gave up with my BMW

Recently I traded my BMW 328i for a more practical (and less expensive) Ford Escape. People keep asking me how I like my new car, and I respond that I "like it."

It doesn't have heated leather seats, it doesn't have the beautiful interior. I miss that the mirrors automatically adjust when I am backing up. It doesn't have a power seat on the passenger side, and it doesn't have separate heat/air controls for the back seat, or a sunroof. It doesn't drive like a BMW either....power, smoothness, control- BMWs are really fun to drive.

But, it also doesn't have the pride factor. With the BMW there was a certain air around me...like, "look at me, I drive a BMW." Or, a constant nagging wondering what everyone thought, or if my BMW impressed them. I had a constant battle going on inside me about why this car was important to me, and I didn't like the truth when I allowed myself to be honest about it. I don't want to be prideful, but having this car, for me, was a pride issue. It became something that tried to define me rather than a blessing. I have struggled enough with finding who I am outside of Christ. I don't need a car that exalts me. The freedom that I have from these thoughts and feelings is something that I LOVE about my new car.

I am not saying that I will never own another BMW (and my husband still has one). Perhaps the Lord will allow me to later on, but for now I will be happy with my little Escape. It does have more room, a backup camera, and (my favorite) satellite radio where I can listen to 80s/90s Country Music to my hearts content.

Psalm 139:23-24
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Dreary Days

Today is a rainy, dreary day in East TN, and I don't mean just because of the gloomy weather. All day long my heart has been heavy with the knowledge of a tragedy that struck our community. This prompted me to think of all of the other unhappy happenings going on around me...
There is a a child custody case hanging overhead threatening to unravel the stability of a child with the intent not being for the betterment of the child, but to satisfy the selfishness of the non-custodial parent...a close friend who is mourning the loss of a best friend to a terrible disease...another dear friend who desperately wants to be a mom, but finds every pregnancy end in miscarriage...a mother who mourns not only the sudden loss of one child, but the loss of her only two children, and friends (my son included) who mourn the loss of their beloved friends...none of this makes sense, and we ask, "where is God?"

The Bible tells us to, "rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion," Romans 12:15-16. 

In any of the circumstances we can form our own opinions, we can judge, we can be critical, we can say how we would, or it should be handled, but the truth is, that is not what we are supposed to do. We are supposed to lift one another up, show grace and mercy, show love. I cannot imagine what my friend who finds her self childless feels, I cannot imagine the nightmare that this mother, who I only know as the mom of one of my son's friends, is living...if we cannot count on each other for stability and comfort in our most desperate times, then we have failed as a church. If those who are hurting cannot come to us then we learned nothing from the life Jesus exemplified. 

Leaving Familiar

Exodus 3:10-12

“Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt. But Moses said to God, ‘Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?’ So He said, ‘I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.’”

How many times do we feel the Lord leading us out of the familiar and sending us into some unknown place that we feel afraid to enter or to a call that we feel inadequate in filling?

Surely Moses was quite content to stay in Midian with his family and tend sheep. It was comfortable, it was familiar, it was routine. It didn't require much thought and certainly did not involve confronting Pharaoh. 

Before we got married Scott and I decided that it made more sense for Zachary to change schools rather than leave the boys at separate schools, or move Eli. I thought that I was OK with this until orientation at our new school. Then the reality that I had left the comfortable, familiar and routine hit me.

While walking through the school among teachers and administrators that I did not know, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being out of place. The longer I was there, the more I felt like I didn't belong. I missed knowing the teachers and principals. I missed knowing the other parents and students. It was all I could do not to break out in tears right in the middle of meeting Zach’s teacher!

On the way home I couldn't hold the tears any longer, and I just began to cry. Poor Scott thought he had accidentally said something wrong! (He is such a sweetheart). I told him that I was fine, and tried to get a grip! In the midst of all this emotion, I thought, “Isn't this how it is with the Lord? He asks us to leave the familiar in order for Him to take us to a better place?”

Just like with Moses. It wasn't easy for him to go to Pharaoh. It wasn't easy to lead the Children of Israel out of Egypt. But, he did it despite being nervous or feeling inadequate. God had greater plans for Moses and His children. He has greater plans for us! 

I realize that changing schools is not near as big of an ordeal as Moses faced. However, it lends to the same concept of stepping out of our comfort zones. It is not always the easy thing to do, but it always rewards with opportunities that might not otherwise have come to pass. I learn and grow. I become stronger in my faith. I become a better woman, mother, and now, hopefully, wife. I let go of being comfortable for the sake of pursuing all that God has for me.  

I am still a little anxious about the change, but I believe that as with all the other times the Lord as taken me away from the familiar, good things will certainly come. 

Changing Names

Revelation 2:17

New King James Version (NKJV)

 “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it.”’

In 1997 I changed my name for a lot of wrong reasons. From as far back as I could remember I wanted my name to be different, I didn't want to be a "Rowland" because I some how associated that name with not measuring up or fitting in. I thought that if I had a different name that I would be a different person. 

One of the main reasons that I got married the first time was so that I could have a different name. The name was supposed to change everything. I would be accepted, I would be taken care of, I would live happily ever after...or so I thought. 

The reality is that it really has nothing to do with your name, but everything to do with how you find your worth and value. If we let Jesus tell us who we are rather than insecurity, hopelessness, and other outside influences then the name that people refer to us by does not matter. We gain confidence, stability, and assurance through Jesus, and aren't just riding the coat tails of whatever our family name supposedly stands for. 

Jesus came to give us identity in Him that says we are good enough, we are loved, and we are valuable. Our worth is established in Him. 

So, in a little less than two weeks I am changing my name again, only this time it's not because I am trying to escape a broken past. I know who I am now, "my name is child of the one true King" (Matthew West Hello My Name Is). Because I know who I am now in Christ, I am confident of changing my name for the man I love. It is not about a name but about moving forward into the blessing that God has so graciously given to me. It's about joining with a person who also knows that he is a "child of the one true King". 

I am so excited about my new name, but even more so because Jesus prepared me for this journey by telling me who I really am. 

What is your name? 

God's Plan

Isaiah 14:24 "The Lord almighty has sworn, 'Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen.'"

I was sitting with my dear friend Linda in her new house tonight, talking about her upcoming wedding, and couldn't help but think how different things were for both of us not too long ago.

Just a few short years ago we were both single moms (along with our friend Christy) who spent many nights throwing together dinner with what we each had in our cabinets, carting each others kids around from place to place, and saying to one another, " God has a plan, we just have to be patient. It has to be in His time."

These are not words that you want to hear when you are so lonely that you think you can't take another night with the empty space beside you or you long to have someone that wants to hear about your day, whatever it had been. And, let's face it, your kids really aren't too concerned with the lecture you got from your boss or the thousand things that could and did go wrong that day.

But, I wouldn't trade those days for anything because in them we learned lessons that prepared us for the things that God has given to us now. The blessings and purposes that He had planned. We learned to be better mothers, we learned about what we could have done differently in relationships, we talked each other "off the ledge", we prayed and cried and prayed some more, and sometimes we just sat together not doing a thing. We learned the value of ourselves and the strength that we had. We learned how important it is to have other women in your life that are in the same situations and how we could help each other.

Now, we see God's plan revealed, His purpose that is coming to pass. We are both about to get married,  and Linda and her Scott just bought a beautiful home. Despite some of our choices that got us into bad situations, God did not forget His plan and purpose for us. His desire to give us good things did not go away, but he used the difficulties to grow us and change us...to prepare us for the futures He planned.

And this is just beginning...I can't wait to see the rest of His plan!