Puzzle Pieces

There are two things that I love to do when (if) I have spare time: read books and put puzzles together. Over the summer I read 17 books! It was awesome - now since school has started, I am struggling to finish #18 because of time. However, that did not stop me from opening a new puzzle that I bought this summer and spreading the pieces out on the dining room table (that's what a dining room table if for, right?). 

As I opened the box and began sorting through the pieces, my mind began to think of how much like a puzzle our own lives are. We want the picture on the box. The beautiful tapestry that fits together nicely, that is whole with clean edges and perfect lines. But what we often get is much different. We open the box of life to find that it is messy and broken and sometimes overwhelming. 

As we are sorting the pieces, we get glimpses of the beautiful picture we are striving for. Little tidbits of wholeness that keep us moving toward the ultimate goal of completion. Other times we stand sifting the pieces between our fingers wondering why we can't find that missing piece. And often we try to fit pieces into spaces where they don't belong. The key, though, is perseverance. 

Through perseverance we are able to see the completed picture. We are able to continue putting the pieces together until the beauty surfaces and our picture is realized. The more we work at it, the more we are attuned to the colors, patterns and shapes of the pieces. Soon we start seeing pieces that fit different sections even though we were looking for a specific part. 

This is what happens when we take our broken pieces to our Father. There will still be times when we stare at the chaos and wonder how we will ever be whole again, we will replay events (pieces) over-and-over in our minds wondering why we can't change a situation, or we try to make things happen our way. Remember trying to force pieces into places they don't belong? But the more we are known to God, the more we will see glimpses of the beauty that is yet to come. He will show us the pieces of the puzzle, even when we are searching for something else. 

So, persevere my friends! Keep sorting through those pieces so that you can see the picture that God has in store, the beautiful puzzle He has created called you.  

Philosophy of Education

I wrote the following paragraph as part of my Philosophy of Education:     

"Education is not limited to a classroom environment. It is available to us both formally and informally, and is in unlimited supply if we are willing to immerse ourselves in learning. It is also not limited to certain age groups, nor does it end at a certain point in our lives unless we choose to stop learning."

I believe this. I learn new things every day, and am on a continuing journey of becoming the best person I can be- the best person God has created me to be by studying and learning. However, I found myself very disgruntled about having to continue learning in a formal education environment. I found myself in a place that I warn others not to go to, a place of thinking that I had arrived at come epiphany that exempted me from being taught. 

I have a choice, a cross-roads. I can keep complaining about having to take these classes- the commute to Knoxville and the homework, or I can accept the fact that (in this case) a PhD is really NOT enough (who knew?) and keep learning. 

I can keep learning new ideas and techniques to make my classroom a better environment for my students. I can keep learning how to build better relationships with them. I can keep learning that there are experts in education that do, in fact, know more than me (:)) and learn to glean from the knowledge they are willing to share. 

Sort of like going to church on Sunday. Am I closed off to what our Pastor is saying, or am I open to learning the new things that the Holy Spirit is trying to teach me through his sermon? Do I go home and do my "homework?" Or do I walk out the church doors and not open my Bible again until the next Sunday? 

In both cases, I have a choice to act on what I believe or be a hypocrite by stating one thing and doing another. Today, I am choosing to keep learning, to keep growing, and keep bettering myself so that I can better those around me. What choice will you make? 

Proverbs 1:7

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction"

Help

In the movie The Help, Celia Foote is a lonely young woman struggling with being able to have a baby. She wants desperately to fit in with the other ladies, but always falls short of acquiring their approval. She needed help, she needed friendship. Then along comes Minny Jackson. A woman who is hired as a servant, but soon becomes part of their family. Minny became Celia's true help, the person who helped her heal and learn and reach her potential. 

We all need help sometimes. Whether we are facing the uncertainty of a doctor's diagnosis, the hardship of losing a job, the disappointment of broken relationships, or fill in the blank with any other situation you can think of, we need help. We need a "Minny Jackson" to come along and help us pick up the pieces and gain perspective. Even Moses needed help- he grew tired, he was weary, but his "Minny Jacksons" (Aaron and Hur) came along side of him. They held his arms up so that the Israelites could obtain victory. 

What do you need help with in your life today? What areas are you struggling with where you could use a "Minny Jackson?" Seek out those people who will encourage you, challenge you, and help you. Surround yourself with those who will hold your arms up so that you can see victory.  

Psalm 121: 1-2

I look up to the mountains—
    does my help come from there?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth!

Picture taken July 2021, Destin, Fl.

ZTA

 During my short stint at Clemson University (Go Tigers!) I pledged a sorority. Zeta Tau Alpha was new to campus, and I was in the first pledge class. I met a lot of fabulous young women, and for the first time in my life felt like I was finally a part of the "in-crowd." 

However, because of my poor choices, that was as short-lived as my time at Clemson. I was heartbroken because I had squandered away the opportunities placed before me, and there was absolutely no way for me to change that. Well, except to change me and I just wasn't ready to let the Lord work the way He needed to in my life. 

As I reflect on all of this, there is still a distant ache about what I missed out on with those women in ZTA. But, the Lord has reminded me that I am a part of a bigger sorority of women now. Women who share secrets, share their lives, and proudly wear the letters of redemption through Christ. Women who have pledged their loyalty to Jesus and who are initiated by the common threads of salvation and grace. This is where I belong. This is where you belong. No matter what happens or what choices you make, you will always be invited in to the inner circle. There is no rejection here. 

I am thankful for this "sorority," for the many women I do life with everyday. I am also thankful that I am still in contact with (thanks to social media) some of those fabulous ZTA gals. 

                              Fabulous women who have played a role in my life - past and present! 

Full Circle

In Philippians 1:6 the Apostle Paul is encouraging the church of Philippi by stating that he is certain that He who began a good work in them would see it to completion. Essentially, what God has started will not be abandoned, He will fulfill His promises and His call in our lives. 

In June of 1991, I was a 17 year-old girl headed off for college with dreams of becoming a teacher. Teaching was something that I felt called to do, it was embedded in my heart. There was not another career that even entered my realm of thinking. The Lord opened a very wide door for me to pursue teaching and change the trajectory of my life. However, I was too immature, insecure, undisciplined, fill in the blank with any number of adjectives, to stay on this path of opportunity. 

Fast forward 15 years and 2 kids later I was still a wreck, but had somehow managed to build a career for myself in Hospitality & Tourism. This career brought me to Tennessee in the fall of 2006. As I began to establish myself in the community, the Lord began speaking to me about the dreams He had placed in me as a child. 

Fast forward another 15 years, I have successfully obtained 3 college degrees, and when presented with another wide open door I walked through it with the confidence that God was completing the work that He had begun in me so many years ago. As I enter into my second year of teaching high school, I am in awe of the (one and only) God who did not give up on me or the calling that He had for my life. 

This is my full-circle. This is the completion of His work in me. This is the redemption of grace, and healing from my past that makes the future possible. No matter where you are today, God has not given up on you. He has not forgotten the hopes, dreams, promises that He placed in your heart. Be encouraged, and, like the Apostle Paul, realize that some of the things we go through on the way to God's completion serve to further the gospel and lead others to Him. 

Be brave, be confident, and trust the Lord to bring you full-circle into His will and plan for your life. 

Not Stuck, Just Waiting

Sunday our pastor taught on how we might feel stuck in our situations. But, what really is happening is that God is asking us to wait. This was a timely message for me as my wait often feels like a stuck. This is prehaps the biggest wrestle that I have with the Lord because I am a "let's get this done, how can I make this happen, bring it on" kind of gal. Because of this, my waits are not short or very pretty.

The last two years have proved to be some of the hardest I have faced. I never thought that operating a brand new hotel could be so much of a challenge. The whole shebang has been one challenge right after another. Everything that I thought I knew about this industry and running a hotel has been challenged. I can't keep staff, nothing is stable, what I thought I knew about the budgeting/financial process, and how to read financials apparently is completly wrong. And, the list goes on....somedays I question how I even got this far in this industry.

Along side these challenges, I see doors closing that I was SURE that God opened. I have been talked to about promotion only to have nothing more be said, I have been pursued by another company only to have that pursuit abandoned after I showed interest in making the switch. I applied for teaching a teaching position in which I received a rejection letter not five minutes after I submitted the application (even though I knew someone who sat on that school's board of directors). I was chosen to be on an education committee to review curriculm for vocational education, specifically, hospitality education, only to be told recently that they no longer needed me for this commitee. Ideas that I presented in our community for hospitality education that were intially rejected have recently come to fruition under the suggestions of someone else. Really, the list could go on.

I don't say all of this so that you will feel sorry for me. I say this because these are indications that God is asking me to wait...just a little bit longer. They are indications that what I thought was good, is not the BEST that God has in store for me. That is true for you, too.

God asks us to wait, to endure because He has greater things in store for us than what we can comprehend. He knows our hearts, our desires, and, more importantly, His plans for us. Waiting isn't easy and often feels like stuck. The weight of our circumstances makes it really difficult to wait.

However, when we surrender that weight to embrace God's wait we will see that, "through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness . The Lord is my portion...therefore, I hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him," (Lamentations 3:22-25).

Judgement vs Grace

I read a blog post yesterday that disturbed me. In this post the Christian author was talking about divorce and the biblical mandates for it. She said some things that I agree with....God hates divorce, divorce hurts no matter what situation caused it, and we should always pray, seek council, and exhaust all other options before resorting to divorce....I agree 100%. That was the case in my situation, and I saw first hand how divorce, even though it was somewhat a relief, still hurt me and my children.

Now, before I move on with this post, I want to make a disclaimer that I in no way, shape, or form condone divorce for just any reason, or think it should be entered into shallowly. If you enter into a covenant with someone, you should remain faithful to that covenant until you have done everything in your power to resolve the issues. I do believe that society in general has taken a lackadaisical attitude concerning divorce, and it has become convenience rather than something thought-out, and a last resort. I believe that is wrong, and millions of people are hurting themselves and others because of selfish agendas. 

Ok, back to the post....:)

One thing that bothered me about her post was her mindset of following the letter of the law rather than showing grace. She justified her two divorces as based on biblical reasons that she could divorce (adultery and abandonment), but left no room for issues such as abuse (physical, mental, sexual), alcohol/drug addiction, etc...we do not know anyone's situation, who are we to judge what has transpired in their family and relationships, what has transpired between them and God? Her attitude was simply that unless you could say your spouse cheated on you or abandoned you, you should stay married. It is not as black and white as presented in her post. But, perhaps what bothered me more was her desire to drag ministry leaders into the conversation, and applaud one while demeaning the other.

She gave two examples of popular ministers/Bible teachers' daughters that have gone through divorce. One who handled her divorce "the right way," and put all the details out for the world to see, and another who should be removed from ministry because of her lack of transparency about what she and her family went through. What I want to say is, what business is it of ours? What gives us the right to demand the details of her (their) divorces be placed on the open alter of public opinion? It really made me made that we have become so presumptuous as to assume that everybody owes us an explanation for everything in their lives. In the words for Stephanie from Full House....How Rude.

I realize that if you are the public spotlight, and you are teaching/preaching/leading, there are certain standards that you are held to (James 1:3). That, however, does not mean that you are required to declare every personal detail about your life, or justify every decision you make. There should be some element of transparency for the sake of accountability, but we should not be mad or judgemental when we do not get to know every single detail of their lives.

So, my point to this whole post is that what would happen if we truly showed grace, and took seriously the fact that our judgement of others will bring harsher judgement on ourselves (Matthew 7:1-2)? I don't know about you, but I have plenty the Lord needs to deal with me about without me asking for more by judging others. If we see something that doesn't quite line up with Scripture, we should pray, not judge. Before we pass judgement, we should ask ourselves what if the roles were reversed... would we want our closets emptied in the public arena?

I don't know about you, but I have enough to contend with dealing with the plank in my own eye. I don't really have time to judge the splinter in my brother's and sister's eyes (Matthew 7:3). Show grace today- it makes a much better impact than judgement.

Your Name

I strongly dislike going to Walmart. I don't know why I continually subject myself to such torture, but yesterday was one of those days that I chose to do so. While I was standing in line at the deli counter (somewhat patiently for a change) giving the overworked and underpaid worker my order, I noticed his name tag. His name is Allen, and for some reason I felt compelled to say his name when I thanked him for the chicken, turkey, and ham he handed me. Weird, I thought, that I would feel the need to call someone by name....the feeling proceeded to follow me to the checkout line (where my patience was all but gone). Here a gentleman named Chuck checked out a long line of people ready to begin their vacation intertwined with some gluttons for punishment like myself. I ended my Walmart ordeal with a "thank you, Chuck," and walked out the door still pondering why I needed to call them by name.

There are all sorts of assumptions that can be made- maybe I was having a moment of insanity (very likely), maybe they needed to hear their name to know that someone was paying attention, maybe I needed a reminder of how to be polite and respectful to people that are serving me, maybe it really had no meaning at all...But, there is One who knows your name.

God knows your name. Whether you are the deli clerk, the cashier, or the impatient shopper, He cares about you, loves you. Life can sometimes make us feel isolated and alone, but that is a lie of the enemy. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, known even before you formed in your mother's womb. When God calls out to you, He doesn't need a name-tag to identify you, He doesn't wrack His brain trying to remember your name. He knows who you are, what you are going through, and what you need. Listen for Him to call your name today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NHQJWdXfFE

Five Years Ago

Five years ago I was a single mom without any real prospects at finding a relationship that might amount to anything. I was so lonely at times I didn't know what to do. But, in October 2013 God saw fit to answer my prayers, and I was introduced to Scott. Not only did the Lord bring me a wonderful husband, He gave me a fabulous mother-in-law as well.

From the first time I met Betty, she welcomed me into her home, and loved me and the boys like we were her own. It never seemed like we had just met, but like we had always been family. We laughed, we cried, we shopped, we ate, we talked about life, death, and all manner of things in between....and, we especially liked teasing Scott about her newfound crush on Thor when he was introduced in the Avenger movies.

Betty was compassionate, loving, and touched many lives. Everyone who knew her loved her. In April 2016 she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Instead of asking "why me" she dug her heels in, and faced this battle head on. She was an inspiration to everyone who talked to her. No matter how bad she felt she walked with a smile, and offered words of encouragement along with statements of faith to those she came in contact with.

In April of this year we thought that we might win this fight. However, in June we were told we would not. Even then Betty kept her smile. On August 8th we moved Betty in with us. I won't say that this was easy for any of us. Betty was fiercely independent, and I am sure that this was the hardest part for her. However, I will say that I would not take back one second that we had with her. The only regret is that we could not get her to move in sooner.

We couldn't go eat or shop anymore, but we could laugh and tease the boys and enjoy the time we had left. On September 21st she traded this world for the next. There is a huge hole in our hearts and an empty space in our house. Betty Lou we miss you like crazy, but only for a little while.

Faith....Patience

I am not a patient person. As a matter of fact, I am a cut-n-dry, here's the problem and the solution so let's fix it kind of person. I don't pray for patience, I know better, because that is a sure fire way to find myself in a situation that requires me to be patient. But, despite my admission of being impatient, and the struggle that I have with that, what does God ask me to do? That's right, be patient....

James 1: 2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." 

This trial with Joseph is anything but joyful, and I want to do everything but persevere. I want to defend myself, I want to beg and plead with Joseph come back home and go back to school, I want to hate the ones who are manipulating him who look like heroes in his eyes...But, instead God is asking me to have faith. Faith when I don't know where Joseph is or what he's doing, faith when punches are thrown at me from lying mouths that influence my children, faith that no matter what He is in control. Faith to be patient, and watch God work. 

Faith is what we hope for, belief in what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1), faith means that the answer doesn't always come when I want it to, or even the way I want it to. Sometimes exercising faith will make us think that we are losing (which is what I feel right now), faith will help us to keep seeing the truth when we are surrounded by lies. Faith will complete a perfect work in us, and change us into the person God wants us to be. 

His ways are not my ways....

My last post was a little dramatic...hahaha. I try to stay away from the drama, but isn't that what usually draws us into things? Our favorite books, favorite television shows, even our favorite preachers have some element of drama that keeps us engaged and interested. But, this situation is not about how dramatic or traumatic I can make it.

It is simply about Joseph making a poor choice based on lies he has been presented as truth. The overall truth of the situation though, is not my argument against his dad, or the wrongs that Joseph believes he has suffered, but is that God's thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways...His are higher, better, and able to accomplish much more than my earthly temperament can accomplish (Isaiah 55: 8-9) . 

I am sad, I am heartbroken, and that is not being dramatic, but simply hurting for my child who is walking straight into the lion's den, and their mouths are wide open to devour him. I wanted so much more for him- he wasn't supposed to make the mistakes that I made, but I have somehow gotten a front row seat to watch him do exactly what I did.  

In two weeks his first year of college is over, and instead of packing up his dorm and preparing for a summer with his college friends, he is packing up his dorm and moving to SC for "greener pastures."  Although I have many thoughts (and most of them are not that nice) about those "greener pastures," the ultimate truth is this, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands^. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown; for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever,” Isaiah 55: 10-13.

If you pray, please continue to pray for our family. We believe God, we trust God, but that doesn't necessarily make it easy. 

Prepared for Battle

If you are reading this, then please say a prayer for our family....actually, say more than one prayer as we are in one of the toughest battles of our lives, a war that has been waged against the success and well being of Joseph.

If you are my friend on Facebook or have read this blog, you already know how proud I am of Joseph for getting accepted and going to school at the University of TN. He hoped so much to be able to go to school here, and God gave him that desire. Joseph wanted to get into their architecture and interior design program, and guess what? God did not let him down.

However, the enemy of our souls waged a war against Joseph. He convinced Joseph through someone that he trusts that he needs to be out from under my "control." That there are "better" things for him in SC where he has freedom to come and go, freedom to make his own decisions...sort of sounds like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, doesn't it?

Scott and me had a long conversation with Joseph's dad yesterday, and if what he says is true, he is on our side. I pray today for Joseph to have ears to hear and eyes to see the truth through the deception that is blinding him. For him to be able to discern what is the good and acceptable word of God from the lies that the enemy if filling his head with. That like Elisha's servant, the Lord will open his eyes to see the army that God has placed around him to deliver him rather than allow him to become captive (2 King 6).

This is a battle where the armor of God needs to be worn proudly and boldly, it is a battle that I don't want to fight, a battle that I didn't see coming. God has given Joseph the desires of his heart, it breaks my heart to see the enemy try to snatch those desires and close the doors God has opened.

Please pray, and pray hard, my friends. This battle is not against the person who is influencing Joseph, it is against the principalities, powers, and darkness of the rulers of this age, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in heavenly places that have said Joseph belongs to them. But, I say Joseph belongs to Jehovah, he belongs to El Shadday, God Almighty, Who knows the plans He has for Joseph and has set those plans in motion.

Winter Jam 2017

My kids talk me into everything, even when I don't have time to be talked into something. Sunday was no exception because their favorite rap guy, Andy Mineo, was going to be at Winter Jam. So, with them and a friend in tow, Scott and me fought the crowd and joined the thousands at a Christian music concert that at times I thought I might be too old for (LOL).

In addition to Andy Mineo and several other groups we Tenth Avenue North. I do really like this band and know most of their songs, but what blessed me most was Zachary's reaction to one of their songs. They have a song called Torn. Zach liked this song when it first came out, but I have yet to determine why. It is a song about being worn out from the struggles of life, and calls on God to give hope. Anyway, they played this song. During this song Zach stood to his feet with his hand lifted high in worship- it was the sweetest thing that I have ever seen, especially, since he was sitting in the middle of a group of middle school boys and he didn't care that he was the only one standing.

When we were getting in the car after the concert Zach brought up that song, and proceeded to tell me that he cried when they sang it because it moved his heart. I told him how proud I was that he was worshiping. Then I wondered what it is about that song that speaks to him. He's 12, he really hasn't had a trial to endure or experienced just how hard life can be sometimes. Could it be that the Lord is speaking to him now to prepare him for what he may face in the future? Or, is there a hurt in his heart that I don't see, but the Lord know is there?

Either way, and no matter what, I know that the Lord speaks to him, and it is my prayer that he will continue to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit his whole life.

What Are You Afraid Of?

All I keep hearing about the recent election is that people are afraid. But what are they afraid of? Are they afraid  that the liberal agenda cannot dictate the will of the "people" anymore? Because the will of the people voted in an unconventional candidate with a no-holds-barred pointedness in hopes that he will bring the change we have been waiting on for 8 years now. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to start a political debate, or spout my own political jargon to make people angry or isolate friends, but I am saying that perhaps a different perspective is in order. As a (probably somewhat moderate) conservative, these are my thoughts on a few of the political "fears" presented:

1- Should we be more afraid of our daughters (I don't have any of my own, but there are plenty in my family) not having a right to say what happens to their bodies- i.e. have the right to have an abortion if they want one no matter what stage of pregnancy they are in, or of them not being truthfully educated about the fact that an abortion at any term kills an unborn baby, and has serious emotional consequences that she will have to deal with for the rest of her life? Now, I am not naive enough to think that if abortions become illegal that they will stop- they will not. And, once a Pandora's box like abortion has been opened, can we really close it back up? What should happen is policies and procedures be reformed and there be some limitations on when and how they can be performed. Women should be presented with ALL options, and not just abortion when they enter Planned Parenthood establishments or crisis pregnancy centers, the process of abortion and exactly what the procedure entails should be presented to them. The question that puzzles me the most in this debate is, "how can we allow women to abort babies, but prosecute offenders when they attack a woman and kill her unborn baby?" Is it a baby or not? Does "it" have rights or not? Because abortion says that the fetus does not, unless it is killed by someone other than it's mother- just something to think about....

2- Health Care. I am not at all opposed to everyone having access to affordable health care. But the key here is affordable. Why pay $300-$400 per month for insurance coverage that has such a high deductible that you will never meet it, and therefore never reap the benefits of the policy? I realize that there are those with serious medical conditions that benefit from this, but what about those that do not? Most people that I know without insurance have opted to pay the penalty at the end of the year rather than buy a policy. This puts a greater burden on the tax payers, insurance companies, and medical facilities. I am not an expert here, but I have enough friends in insurance, medical professions, and who are opting not to buy policies on the exchange because of the expense to know Obamacare has not worked. Wouldn't it be better to work together to find a solution to this rather than being afraid that something might be taken away from you?

3- The solution to immigration is not to build walls or close borders, but to make sure that the process of legal immigration is followed. If people from other countries want to come here, let them, but make sure that they are following the rules, obtaining the proper paperwork, and working toward citizenship if they want to live here permanently. And, we shouldn't change our values, beliefs, traditions because people from other countries do not agree. Why has the voice of foreigners become louder than the voice of Americans? If you want to live here, live here legally. If you want benefits, a job, the right to vote, obtain it legally. There should be parameters in place that keep illegal immigrants from obtaining government welfare, jobs, and the right to vote. Protect American citizens and those immigrants who have followed the rules to live in this great country.

4- LGBT (and I think they have added a Q in there somewhere)- a touchy subject, I know, and one that will probably not win me friends or the ability to influence people (LOL- but, seriously). I have a lot of questions concerning whether people are born gay, or choose that lifestyle. I am willing to admit that I do not have an answer for that, and cannot tell you that the things that you feel are not real- I hope when I get to heaven the Lord will have a big book with the answers to life's unanswered questions. This is what I do know, I know what the Bible says about homosexuality as well as other "sins." I do not struggle or desire that lifestyle but there are plenty of other things listed under the category of sin that I have had to ask forgiveness for- it is not my place to judge you, but I do not have to agree with you. You might not agree with all of the choices that I make, that's what makes us different, unique, and makes the world less boring. My convictions and beliefs would not allow me to vote for same-sex marriage, but that does not mean that I hate you. Obviously, the government has validated this form of marriage- is there really a reason to undo it, or try to stuff it back in the "closet?" What I would like to see is this: the same rules apply to you that apply to every other American and marriage. In order to have the same benefits that heterosexual couples share, get married. Benefits should not be made available for domestic partners who are not married- what is good for one side, is good for the other. If you are female, use the female restroom. Is it not my right to use a women's restroom without men being present? Don't call me a bigot, a hater, intolerant, or give me any of the other labels the LGBT community enlists because I do not agree with you. I am not those things-

I realize that I have not addressed many things, and of the things that I have addressed, I have not covered every element. I think we, as Americans, should have a concern for our country, but not live in fear. I believe that we can accomplish more together than we can by fighting with each other and calling each other names. The majority of the American people voted for change because they do not want to be governed by the far left agenda. I do not believe the extreme right is the answer either. Somewhere in the middle lies the answers and the change that our country wants and needs. No matter what political party you side with, be open-minded to hear what the other sides have to say, and willing to compromise for the good of the whole rather than the agendas of a few. If you are an evangelical Christian, don't depend on the government to legislate your values and beliefs- that is not their job. Pray, don't judge, pray, stand up for what you believe in with love, pray- and do not be afraid.

And, while I'm on this soap box, our kids need to be taught that in real life not everyone gets a trophy, and things don't always go our way- if I were throwing temper tantrums like some of these protestors my Momma would whip my behind, no matter how old I was!

2 Timothy 1:7 - The Lord has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2017 - Bring on the New Year

So, I was looking over my blog this morning, and saw that I only posted twice in 2016. WOW- I need to make a resolution to blog more in 2017, but I am afraid that I might not keep it :).

2016 went out (for me) without a bang. As a matter-of-fact, I was in bed and sound asleep long before the ball dropped. I hope that that quite rest is how 2017 will be, or at least there will be more of it in 2017 than there was in 2016. This is what we dealt with last year:

We sold our house in a week, moved into a very small apartment and almost killed each other (ask the neighbors we had at the apartment -LOL), built a new house, played soccer, played basketball, drove my mother-in-law to countless doctor appointments and treatments as she battled lung cancer, sent Joseph off to college, played more basketball and soccer, managed to keep our jobs going, and the kids fed, hung out with friends, made family come and visit us (if you know my mom tell her, "yes she is going to TN every 5 minutes"), and I finished my first year as a PhD student.

When I look at that list, I wonder how we ever made it, then I remember that the Lord is faithful. He gives us just what we need for each day. Not what we needed yesterday, not what we will need tomorrow, but exactly the amount of strength, knowledge, and grace that we will need in the moments we face in the present. Every day is a new day, a chance to start over and follow through on what did not get accomplished yesterday.

So, in 2017, the only resolution that I have is to remember what the Lord brought us through (the good and the bad), and look to Him to sustain us through whatever this new year brings.

2 Corinthians 12: 9, "And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Have a blessed New Year- my thoughts and prayers are with you, and hopefully, I will make more than two posts this year! 

Sending Joseph to College

JoJo, Josephine, Josephino, Josepfanie, Jofess....no matter what we called him (and he is such a good sport about the deformities that we give to his name) Joseph holds a place tightly in our hearts, and moving him to college was no easy feat for this helicopter Momma (this title is a story for another day).

I think in the back of my mind the fact that Knoxville is just 45 minutes away buffered the reality that Joseph was about to move out. Well, that and that we hardly saw him anyway because (and I am sure most of you with teenage sons know what I'm talking about) the last place that a teenage boy wants to be is home. But, at the end of the day he still came home. He still called to tell me where he was and what he was doing. He called to tell me if he was staying at a friend's house or what time he would be home. I knew his schedule, knew the proximity of his location, and most of the time what he was doing. Now, I don't have a clue. This is worrisome for moms, or at least for this mom. (The joke at our house now is that I am not mourning Joseph being gone, but rather the loss of control - all my boys know me too well- haha).

It's not just that I don't know what he's doing or who he's hanging out with anymore, but also the worry about whether or not he will make the same mistakes that I made. I went off to college once, but was too immature to handle the responsibility. I don't need to elaborate on the repercussions of my bad choices during that time, or the regrets that I have that can never be changed....but, they ring in my mind....they cause me to wonder what choices he will make. Then I remember to think on those things which are true, which are lovely, which are of good report (Philippians 4:8)....the good choices that Joseph has already made (that are the complete opposite of choices I made at his age).

He has held a job (at times he had 3 jobs) since he was 14, and made a good reputation for himself as a hard worker, and a respectful young man. Since he worked in jobs related to hospitality I know who he worked for and others that he came in contact with. Not one person ever said anything negative to me about him, but rather gushed over what a great young man he is and how much they loved working with him.

His friend's parents have sent me messages telling me what a great young man he became and how they are both impressed with and proud of him. I haven't met one person who doesn't like him or have something nice to say about him. He has never been one to conform to what everyone else was doing, and he has moved away from close, long-term friendships when those friends started making poor choices. He is confident, smart (he took 8 college classes his senior year of high school), and far more mature than I was at his age.

He has been at UT for two weeks now (and I have finally stopped crying :)), started classes, and pledged a fraternity. I am worried, afraid, excited, and hopeful for him. I pray for him daily and miss him like crazy, but I firmly believe God has ordained this time for him. God will continue to direct his path...I trust that the Lord will continue the good work He began in Joseph, and He will see it to completion (Philippians 1:6).

And, like any good mom (and wife of a Vol4Life) I will wear the appropriate color of orange, yell, "Go Vols," and attend every event that Joseph will let me attend at Rocky Top.

Dichotomy

Dichotomy - isn't that a fun word to say? It means a division that presents two opposing views. Up until a few years ago, I had never heard the word, much less knew what it meant (thus the outcome of being a perpetual student, I learn something new everyday).

Right now now I have a dichotomy of sorts when it comes to my career. Do I stay in hospitality and accept opportunities that are being placed before me, or do I make an exit strategy that involves me changing careers mid-life? Sort of (well, not really sort of but exactly) starting over. Trading the experience and tenure of the last 22 years for the uncertainty of being the "new kid on the block" who has a lot to learn.

The Clash song "Should I stay or should I go?" comes to mind (my husband might be proud that I knew the group, but don't be too impressed, I Googled it). Where would I go to, you might be asking, and the answer is the world of academia. While there are no opportunities any where close to tapping on my door (much less knocking), I am hoping that (if I can persevere) my PhD will provide those. But, the completion of that is still a few years off, so, I am still left to ponder the question of should I accept opportunities of advancement in my current career?

This is all really just food for thought because I know that in time (have I mentioned that I am not a very patient person?) the right choice will be made clear to me. There is always a lesson in the challenges, decisions, dichotomies of life...my lesson is this-

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path" - Proverbs 3:5-6.

A Lot Can Happen in Three Weeks

Three weeks ago our pastor challenged everyone to a 21 day fast. Facebook was one of the things that I gave up during that time. This was a challenge, and I missed Facebook interactions. So, I tried to keep a mental list of events that took place during the last three weeks- I know everyone was chomping at the bit to know what was going on in my life- like you didn't have anything better to do- hahaha :)

The biggest event was the celebration of Zach's 11th birthday. I can't believe the little boy that rocked my world (and continues to make it very interesting) is on his way to adolescence (cringe....I am not ready for teenage years)! Those of you who know Zach know that he is a bundle of energy that never stops, and at times sends me as close as possible to a nervous breakdown as I could get without going over the edge...I can't imagine life without him. He is loud, rambunctious, and often times difficult...but, has a heart so tender and sweet that it will bring you to tears when he shows it. So, Happy Birthday (again) to Zachary James!

Our saddest event during the last three weeks was the loss of our beloved pet, Patches. She was about as agreeable as a rabid bobcat (haha), but we managed to get along for about 13 years (as long as we knew where we stood- she was in charge). Patches came into our family as a 6-week old kitten when Joseph was around 4/5. She had been with us through many moves, and even though she wasn't a touchy-feely kind of cat, we liked having her around. During week two she started acting funny, and by that Saturday she could not stand up on here own. So Scott and me loaded her up and took her to the UT Vet Emergency Room on a Saturday night where we spent close to $500 only to say good-bye to her. I didn't think that I even liked her that much (it was her sole desire to see how early in the morning she could make me get up to let her either out or into the garage), but I could not turn off the tears as we made the choice to let her go. Turned out she had an aggressive form of lymphoma that we couldn't have dine anything about had we had unlimited resources to try to cure her. RIP Patches - I hope animals are in heaven :)

The last biggest event that I will mention is that I started my PhD classes. WOW- can it be that they are as difficult yet not as bad as I thought all at once???? I love the interaction with my classmates (although I feel very intimidated at times- they are SOOO smart), but find it hard to keep up with all of the reading....good thing I love to read, and leadership is a passion of mine. Johnson University has really impressed me with the quality of the program, and how genuine the staff is. While I loved some of the work that I did at Liberty (and was thankful for the opportunity to complete my MA with them), sometimes the atmosphere was stifling, with a small amount of pretension. The atmosphere at Johnson has been completely different, and I am really looking forward to what I am going to learn on this journey.

That's all for now- but stay tuned  :)

Why I Love Country Music

Scott strongly dislikes country music. If he had to choose between a root canal and listening to the twangs of a country song, I think he would choose the root canal. But, I love it…I don’t mean the new stuff that sounds more like pop music, either. I want to hear the classics….George Jones, Tammy Wynette, Loretta Lynn, and anything from the 80s (wasn’t that a great decade???)- Reba, George Strait, Martina McBride…not to mention the southern gospel roots in some choruses.

I love it because it is part of who I am. I spent most of my childhood and early adult years running away from heritage. I wanted to be anyone but who I was. The older I get now, the more I embrace my history and how it has shaped the person I have become.

My family (on all sides) is a musical family. I don’t think there is anyone on my mom’s side that can’t sing, play an instrument, or both. My (biological) father sings and for a long time my grandparents (his parents) traveled with a southern gospel group. My step-dad owned a music store and night club- he could play any instrument put in his hands, but we never asked him to sing J

When I hear the melodic tones of a country song I remember those times with my family. Granny Murphy’s on Sundays “picking & singing”….going with Granny & Papa Rowland to their friends’ houses where they inevitably  would make us sing solos, or Papa just sitting around playing his guitar. I think about walking into the House of Music and listening to the latest jam session (made up of whatever musician happened to stop by that day)…or going by the club (Night Life) and hearing my momma sing with the band. I could never forget playing “the Contest” with my uncle Clay when he would babysit us (think Name that Tune).

I do like other styles of music, but it is the sound of steel guitars and rich harmonies of country music that reminds me most of my childhood, and stirs up memories too sweet to ignore. If that’s not reason enough to love it, I don’t know what is.

Submissive Obedience

Without submission we cannot be obedient...this is a huge struggle for a control freak like me. I believe in Jesus, I love the Lord and realize that without Him I would be someone that NO ONE would like. But, I am not always as submissive or obedient as I should be when He tells me to do something. Most of the time it is because I am afraid of not knowing the outcome, sometimes it's just because I am lazy or want things my way (did I mention that I am stubborn, too?). No matter what my excuse, though, I know in my heart that the Lord wants what is best for me, He knows where He wants to take me. Right now, He wants to take me on a journey...

A journey to heal the physical and emotional battle I am struggling with right now (you know it's all down hill after 40 - haha), a journey where He can reveal the plan that He has for me in my career, a journey where He can work in the hearts of my children and make them the men He wants them to be. In order to embark on this journey I have to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so that I can prove what is the acceptable will of God (Romans 12:2). I will have to be submissive and obedient. Have I mentioned that this is a weakness for me? 

Anytime the Lord wants me to start changing things my fear level goes up...anyone who has been a Christian any amount of time knows that satan will some full force to try and hinder the work God wants to do. Everything that could happen runs through my mind, and I start to dwell in the "what ifs"...have you read the story of Job? 

But, the Lord won't let me go. Even though I wine and complain, I know that in this journey the Lord will answer my questions, give me direction, and show me great and mighty things that I do not know Jeremiah 33:3). While I am still afraid, I know the end will be worth it, and I am sure my poor husband is praying that I learn all about being submissive and obedient :)